


A Matter of Pride

by InconvenientImmortal



Category: Rockman X | Mega Man X, Rockman | Mega Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, It's hard trying to take care of someone when you can barely take care of yourself, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-21 16:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11947905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InconvenientImmortal/pseuds/InconvenientImmortal
Summary: It took only one look at the expression on X’s face for the rest of the medical team to clear out of the small room Zero was being treated in, leaving him alone to deal with an X the medics had never seen before: a furious one.Zero's self-destructive tendencies continue to be self-destructive, X is worried, and both are at their limit. Following the fallout of the events in Megaman X4.





	A Matter of Pride

**Author's Note:**

> As some of you might’ve guessed from the name, this is a sort of sequel to my **["A Matter of Caring"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6251659)** fic, but you don't necessarily have to read it to understand what's going on in this story. 
> 
> I did some setup for the argument X and Zero had in X5 because I love me some good foreshadowing (and I also really wanted X to confront Zero about his unhealthy coping methods).

Generally speaking, the Maverick Hunter’s medical ward was a pretty busy place. With the rise of Maverick assaults, subsequent casualties, and wounded Hunters returning from missions, the area was always swarming with Reploids going in for repairs or preforming surgeries. Despite that, it took only one look at the expression on X’s face for the rest of the medical team to clear out of the small room Zero was being treated in, leaving him alone to deal with an X the medics had never seen before: a furious one.

X ignored the doctors hurrying passing him, fists clenched as he stopped in front of the examination table, on which Zero sat, calmly watching his approach. X waited until he heard the door shut behind the last doctor, taking a shaky breath as he spoke.

“What the hell were you thinking.”

It was stated calmly, but his eyes bore into Zero’s with a fierceness that would’ve set Mavericks (as well as any other Reploids in X’s line of sight) running for cover.

“I went to medical bay this time, I don’t see what the problem is.”

“The fact that you don’t see anything wrong is part of the problem,” X sighed in exasperation, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

* * *

  

One month had passed since the Repliforce incident.

The rebellion had hit them both hard; hundreds of lives needlessly thrown away, countless Reploid and human casualties, the highest death toll since the first war with Sigma. The Maverick Hunters were still trying to undo the damage caused by the revolt, but rising Maverick rates and an increase in anti-Reploid sentiment was just the tip of the iceberg. Their troubles ran far, far deeper.

He and X hadn’t—couldn’t—talk about what happened, but they both knew. Most Repliforce Reploids had barely been active for two years, if even that, with little to no field experience. The revolt hadn’t been a war; it was a slaughter. Though Sigma was the catalyst for the uprising, it didn’t diminish the role he and X played in the massacre. Repliforce’s stubbornness made a peaceful resolution impossible, neither of them argued otherwise; retiring them had been the only way to keep further bloodshed from happening, but the knowledge did little to alleviate their guilt.

Guilt wasn’t an emotion Zero was accustomed to feeling, especially after winning a battle (though he wasn’t sure he’d count the annihilation of Repliforce as a ‘win’; not by his normal standard anyways). Even now, he wondered if ‘guilt’ was the right word for it. Regret might be more appropriate. Zero certainly regretted their involvement with Repliforce, and that they’d had to kill soldiers who _might not have even been Maverick_ , but whose fate was decided for them by a leader blinded by pride. He regretted that X felt prompted to make a terrible request of him at the end of their mission, a request Zero refused to comply with, a failsafe for an impossible scenario that Zero _couldn’t_ contemplate, even for a moment.

(And paramount in his mind...he regretted Iris’—)

Zero didn’t let himself finish the thought.

The extra missions assigned to him were one of the few effective distractions he had, and Zero accepted them gratefully. Taking down enemies made him feel like he had some measure of control over his problems; physical opponents were so much easier to combat than mental ones. His fighting couldn’t be called reckless; recklessness wasn’t a privilege he could afford when so many lives depended on him and his team, but the risks they took felt bigger, the sacrifices heavier. Repliforce’s revolt had shifted something in all of them, the betrayal lingering like a scar that wouldn’t heal.

Still, despite his determination to remain distracted, Zero had promised X he’d go to medical bay when he was injured, so after narrowly getting blown up (not of his own volition this time) trying to deal with a bomb left behind by a Repliforce sympathizer, he willingly allowed the Lifesavers to bustle him into the medical ward for repairs. The sight of X bursting into the examination room only a short time after their return to the base wasn’t entirely unexpected, but given how minimal Zero’s injuries were (and given his track record), he felt like X’s reaction was unjustified.

“Old habits die hard, I guess,” Zero said with a shrug. “Bomb might’ve taken out my entire force, and you with it, had it gone off the way it was supposed to. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“I’d already called for an evacuation of the area, and the range of the explosion was unlikely to reach us, otherwise I would have—” X shook his head, as though dismissing the thought. “That’s not the point. You put yourself in a bad position when you didn’t have to. Why?”

Zero didn’t answer him, partly because he didn’t _have_ an answer, but the silence seemed to confirm something for X.

X bit the inside of his lip, eyes lingered on the binding around Zero’s hand, forearm, and leg, covering the quick repair-job the Lifesavers had done on the field. “Zero…you could have died.”

“Wouldn’t be my first time.”

X’s expression changed instantly, eyes widening, anger eclipsed by concern. “How could you say that, like it’s nothing?” Zero gave an indifferent one-shoulder shrug, and X let out a breath of frustration. “It’s as if—it’s as if you don’t even _value_ yourself Zero!”

“I do,” he said automatically, the words sounding hollow and empty, even to him.

“You obviously don’t, if you’re still pulling these stunts.” X took a deep breath to calm himself, concern again replacing anger. “I don’t understand why you care so little about your own well-being. I don’t understand this martyr complex you have.”

Zero stood up. He was easily half a foot taller than X, but that didn’t deter his friend from glaring him down (even if it was from a lower angle). “What would you rather have me do, X?” Zero snapped, feeling the emotions he’d been suppressing for the last month threatening to boil over. “Let my unit die? Let you die?”

“I’d rather you give yourself more credit and not go into a mission eager to die!” X took a step forward, but paused, as though worried further confrontation might make Zero even more defensive. He closed his eyes, taking another deep breath and exhaling it slowly, giving himself time to think. “I don’t know why you feel like you have to bear everything by yourself. We’re partners, Zero. More than that, we’re friends. Let me carry part of your burden.”

Zero met his gaze, taking in every tired line on X’s face. “…You’re already carrying enough.”

X’s eyes had changed since the rebellion. The green of his irises was faded, as though the life within them had dimmed, making them look almost artificial for the first time. They held a kind of weariness and grim resolve Zero hadn’t seen since his first resurrection (he had been relieved to see it ebb with time back then, hoping it would never make a reappearance). Too many Hunters shared that same dead-eyed expression, especially after recent events. It was a sight Zero had grown used to, a defining feature of war, but this…

This was X.

“Do you think I haven’t noticed you running yourself ragged, barely resting, always stretching yourself thin just so you can help others? Don’t act like it’s not affecting you.” Zero knew they were just taking out their frustrations on each other, but he wasn’t about to let X yell at him when he was guilty of doing the same damn thing.

X colored, but pushed on. “I know my limits. Besides, I’m not the one needlessly putting myself in harm’s way. I’m not actively _trying_ to die.”

“Yeah, well I’m not you.” The words, spoken with more bitterness than he intended, spilled from Zero before he could think.

He immediately regretted losing his temper, upon seeing the look on his friend’s face.

“…Is that what this is about?”

Zero turned away. He couldn’t stand seeing X look even more worried, especially when he’d been the cause of it yet again. “…Sacrifices have to be made sometimes. You should know that by now.”

Funny, he should’ve known that by now too.

“There needn’t be one all the time,” X pressed, “and you shouldn’t always have to be the one making them!”

He tsk-ed. “You can’t save everyone, X.”

“I can at least save _you_!”

The sudden presence of X’s hand on his shoulder surprised Zero far less than the outburst. X met Zero’s wide-eyed stare, eyes bright and full of a desperate, fierce determination Zero hadn’t seen in weeks.

“I can at least save you,” X repeated, reaching out a shaky hand and taking Zero’s un-injured one in his, squeezing it gently. “So please. Let me.”

For the first time in his life, Zero didn’t know how to respond to X. There was too much to process, too much to feel, and his mind was already so full of problems and questions he had no answer to.

He was saved from having to reply by the sound of a new voice suddenly coming from the examination room’s entrance.

“I think that’s enough, you two.”

Zero hadn’t noticed the other Reploid enter the room. She stood next to the doorway, blonde hair set in a tight roll tucked neatly behind her neck, a frown creasing her forehead, and Zero recognized her as their newly-assigned navigator, Alia. He briefly wondered how long she’d been standing there, and how much of the conversation she’d heard.

X continued to look up at Zero, one hand still clasping his, searching for an answer. Only when Alia stepped forward and gently placed a hand on X’s arm, quietly saying, “The Lifesavers would like to finish Zero’s checkup so they can move on to other patients,” did he finally turn away and let go. He followed Alia out of the room, discreetly wiping his eyes as he exited through the door she held open for him. Alia gave Zero a cursory glance, but whatever her thoughts were, she didn’t voice them. She let the door shut behind her with an echoing ‘ _click_ ’, and Zero was left alone to his thoughts once more.

 

* * *

 

The Lifesavers discharged him from the medical ward fairly quickly after they finished their assessment and were sure his auto-repair could take care of the rest of his injuries. There were no dire missions requiring his immediate assistance, so Zero was given the next 12 hours off to ensure he didn’t reopen his wounds before they healed up.

Typically when he was afforded these rare periods of free-time, Zero grudgingly tackled the mission reports that always tended to pile up on him, or he’d spar in the training room with members of his unit (though more often than not, he spent his leisure time hanging out with X and tagging along with whatever he was doing at the time). But for once, he was on top of his paperwork, and sparring probably wasn’t the best idea when he was still on the mend. Zero also doubted X wanted to talk to him so soon after their argument, so he reluctantly swerved off the path he’d unconsciously tracked towards X’s room.  
  
What he should really do, Zero thought with a grimace, is recharge and get some rest, but he’d felt increasingly loath to do so the past few months. Strange visions (or were they memories?) kept cropping up in his mind whenever he slept. He’d call them dreams, or maybe nightmares, given the subject matter, if it wasn’t for the fact Reploids weren’t supposed to be capable of dreaming (though technically speaking, he _wasn’t_ a Reploid). The nightmares he saw—flashes of blood on his hands as he stood over broken robot bodies, the sound of an old man’s voice calling to him through dark haze, cruel laughter echoing around him—weren’t new. They’d plagued Zero even before the war with Repliforce, but since then, their frequency and clarity had increased to the point where they were practically a nightly occurrence. The nightmares always left him with a sense of unease he couldn’t shake, bleeding into his waking hours and making him irritable and tense.

Zero walked aimlessly through the halls of Headquarters until he found himself standing in front of his room. Sighing, he entered his security code and pushed the door open, not caring enough to lock it behind him. He doubted anyone would come bother him anyways; veteran Hunter knew better than to enter his room without permission, and new recruits were too intimidated by Zero to try. The only person who every really visited him here was X, but Zero thought it unlikely he’d see his friend again today.

Slowly, he crossed to his recharger, frowning down at it as he weighed his options. Energy in exchange for increased anxiety hardly seemed like a fair trade, especially since he still had at least a day or two’s worth to spare from his last mission. He could easily justify skipping one night’s sleep and compensate with some extra energy tanks tomorrow. But given how uncertain and tenuous the current atmosphere of their society was, there was no guarantee his next mission wouldn’t require him to work a week straight with no breaks. Resignedly, Zero settle himself into the recharger, hoping his nightmare streak would miraculously break.

Efficient recharging required him to relax into a deep meditative sleep-mode, that way his body could focus on storing energy and repairing injuries. But his thoughts were even more troubled than usual because of his argument with X, and switching them off felt impossible. His mind kept jumping from X, to Repliforce, to Iris, and back again, afraid to linger in any one memory too long. He lay awake for what felt like hours, staring at the bleak grey ceiling. His room was a lot emptier than X’s, since he didn’t really live in it so much as use it as a quiet space to do paperwork or recharge when he didn’t feel like using the base’s communal stations. As such, Zero had never felt the need to fill it with (what he considered) non-essential odds and ends like X did, but the effect left his room feeling vacant and lonely, especially now. He wished he at least had a poster or some books or something to look at, just to keep his mind off things. Numbly, he wondered if he’d at least gotten a little bit of energy by lying there so long, even if he couldn’t enter sleep-mode.

Just when Zero was seriously starting to consider getting up and offering his team pointers in the training room, a small knock at the door caught his attention. Even before he heard the voice call his name, Zero knew it was X.

“I’m here,” he replied, swinging his legs over the side of the recharger and sitting up. The door opened to reveal X, who seemed calmer than earlier, though just as tired. X briefly glanced from Zero to the recharger, almost looking like he was about to ask if he’d gotten any rest, then thinking better of it.

“Alia gave me some paperwork to drop off.” His tone was brisk and professional, but to Zero, who was used to being on the receiving end of X’s warm greetings, it felt almost unfriendly.

“Right,” he said, unable to keep a note of disappointment out of his voice. Oh well. At least he’d have something to do in his free time. “I’ll take a look at it later.”

X nodded stiffly, moving a few paces inside the room to place the bundle of paper and folders on Zero’s desk. He retreated back to the entrance, but stopped short in the doorway, one hand resting against it as he turned to look back at Zero, an unreadable expression on his face. For a moment, Zero wondered if X was going to start yelling again.

“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?” X finally burst, the words coming out in a rush as though they’d been dammed up forever. “What happened with Iri— what happened with Repliforce. You know it wasn’t your fault.”

“I could ask you the same question.”

X, taken aback, opened his mouth, then closed it again. The answer should’ve been obvious, yet it caught in his throat like a lie. An uncomfortable silence passed between them for a minute.

“I just. Wonder,” Zero said haltingly. “If it had been you, instead of me. Whether you could’ve talked her out of it.” He stared at the cold stone tile of his floor, not wanting to see X's reaction as he finally admitted the thought that had been burning like a hot coal inside him for the last month.

X hesitated. Then slowly, as though concerned Zero would startle if he approached too quickly, he crossed the room and sat down next to him on the recharger. “I don’t know. I’ve wondered the same thing about you and General. But…I don’t think there was anything we could’ve done to save them at that point.”

Zero already knew that, had reminded himself of the facts time and time again, yet hearing it from X felt different. Not necessarily comforting, but somehow reaffirming. It still made a familiar surge of regret wash through him though, and he bowed his head. “It’s stupid, getting caught up in these ‘what-if’ scenarios.”

“I can’t help thinking about them either.” X’s voice trembled a little, and he folded his hands together, gripping them hard. “ _If only I’d caught on sooner, if only I was stronger, if only I’d recognized Sigma was behind this, pulling the string, maybe we could’ve resolved things with Repliforce_.”

“ _Maybe it wouldn't have turned out like this_ ,” Zero finished heavily. “I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore, does it?” he murmured, more to himself than to X. “There’s nothing we can do about it now.”

“No, I suppose not.”

They were quiet for a while, both lost in their own ruminations. The ache in Zero’s chest hadn’t abated, but a horrible way, knowing X felt the same made him feel better.

It also made him ashamed he hadn’t talked to X sooner.

“…It never gets any easier,” X said after a moment. “These fights. These wars.”

“Who says they’re supposed to?” X gave a bitter laugh in response, and Zero cracked a smile, even though both were as far from amused as could be. X leaned against him, which probably wasn’t comfortable due to the bulkiness of their armor, but he didn’t seem to care. He breathed out a long, deep sigh that conveyed more exhaustion than any person has a right to bear, and Zero felt a completely different sort of ache.

“Zero…we’ve lost so much over the years. I just…I don’t want to lose you too. Not again.” He faltered, closing his eyes for a moment. “Maybe it’s wrong for me to assume I know how to help you, much less save you. I know you prefer working through things yourself, and I’ll try not to push you to voice thoughts you may not be ready or willing to talk about but…” X carefully laced their fingers together, looking up at him. “I want you to know you’re not alone.”

He wanted to thank X—to say something, _anything_ —but the words wouldn’t come out. Zero squeezed X’s hand and hoped that would suffice.

X squeezed back. “I may not understand everything that’s going on in your mind right now, but I stand by what I said earlier. We’re more than partners; we’re best friends. I’ll always be there to support you in any way you need me, and be there to talk you out of whatever stupid self-sacrificing stunts you’re trying to pull,” he added with a dry smile.

Zero laughed a genuine, amused laugh. He released X’s hand so he could pull his friend into a tight one-armed hug. “Thanks. Same goes for you buddy; you can always count on me to have your back.”

X hummed, leaning his head against Zero’s shoulder again. “If I’m being honest, I’d prefer you worry about yourself first right now,” he chided lightly. “Have you gotten any rest lately?”

“Have _you_?” Zero raised an eyebrow at the dark shadows under X’s eyes.

“Fair question,” X let out a short, weary breath of laughter. “But I’m sure I’ll rest easier after this talk we’ve had. I still have a few hours before my next assignment, so I might try and take a quick nap.”

Zero gestured with a nod at the recharger they were sitting on. “Be my guest.”

“I meant in my own recharger, Zero,” X said, but he made no motion to get up.

“Too far away, save yourself the hassle of walking down the hall. You look tired enough to fall over halfway there anyways. What kind of friend would I be to let that happen?” X made a skeptical, mock-annoyed sound, but took the hint.

Zero lay back against the firm padding of the recharger and X followed him down without complaint, Zero’s arm still around his shoulders. Since many S and A-Class Hunters were massive beast Reploids, most had rechargers larger than standard size, so Zero and X had enough space to adjust themselves into a more comfortable position. Zero lay on his back, loosely embracing X with one arm, his other resting across his stomach. X used Zero's arm as a pillow as he lay on his side, looking far more content and relaxed than he had in weeks.

“Think we’ll get in trouble if we accidentally sleep through one of Alia’s messages?” Zero asked quietly, turning his head a little so he could look at X.

“You might. I think she still wants to chew you out for making me cry,” X said, smirking playfully.

Zero made an exaggerated grimace. “Already getting me in trouble with the new Navigator? Thanks a lot X, she’ll probably tell me to go jump in a volcano on my next mission.”

X burst out laughing and missed the brief, tender expression that crossed Zero’s face at the sight of X's bright laughter so close up.

“She’s nicer than you give her credit for,” X managed to get out once his laughter died down. “But don’t worry, I’ll talk to her later and make sure she won’t navigate you off the edge of a cliff.”

“I’d appreciate that,” Zero said with a small smile. “Now let’s get some rest.”

“Gladly.”

X closed his eyes. After a minute, his features slowly relaxed and he entered sleep-mode, the quiet thrumming of his core filling the room. Zero watched him for a few moments, thinking.

Nothing had really changed. They were still responsible for what happened with Repliforce, Mavericks were still wreaking havoc, and with their luck, Sigma was probably still alive and well somewhere out there. But somehow, lying here with X made Zero feel like the world had stopped for a moment, just long enough for him catch his breath.

He closed his eyes, hugging X closer and leaning his head against X's as conscious thought slipped away and sleep-mode took over. It wasn’t a solution to all their problems, but right now…this was enough.

 

For once, Zero didn’t have any nightmares.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! "A Matter of Caring" is my pride and joy, so I was really nervous about writing a sequel to it (especially since I didn't _know_ this would be the sequel when I started working on it 5 or so months ago! It was something completely different back then). While writing this, I realized X's reaction to the whole Repliforce incident was kinda shafted in favor of Zero's "WHAT AM I FIGHTING FORRRRRRR", so I wanted to explore X's emotional state in this fic too. These poor kids were both traumatized.
> 
> Some really bad life stuff took me out of commission for a while, and I've been struggling to keep the quality of my work up to my usual standard because of it. Regardless, I still have a lot of stories I'd like to share about these two, so you'll be seeing more from me in the future. The next story is already about 60% done, so hopefully the wait won't be as long as the wait between my last fic and this one was. Thank you for all the kind comments and kudos, I really do appreciate them.


End file.
